waiting for you

Waiting for you
seems like a peril
A peril for mankind.
Why?

Waiting for you
would be like
waiting for a dog
who has its tail
between its legs.

Someone who has
lost all hope of
ever picking himself up
and standing on his own.

Waiting for you would be
like waiting for a leech
to stop sucking out
all of an animal
in a day..

Or maybe even in
a lifetime wouldn't be
enough for you
until you have taken
all the vitality in a
sound animal.

When will you ever learn
that you can't depend on
anyone but
yourself?

Or rather...

When will I ever learn
to stop
Wating for you?...

I feel restless,
Agitated...
Confused..
Scared.
Scared of the fact
that I might never meet you
ever in my life.
Are you truly out there
waiting, looking for me?
Or is it false hope I'm facing
that I will ever meet you?
Should I stop waiting
for you and give up?
Am I ever going to be happy?
Am I ever
going to be complete?
I want to find myself.

I want
to find you..

Dragging by each passing day
Doing what I usually do
I smile all my apprehensions away
Deep down inside
I know in myself
There's something amiss
Much like I'm pretending
same as a theater mask
to please everyone else
But myself...


Sadness creeping inside me
My youth,little by little,
Being sapped out of me..
Strength, where are you?
Courage, have you abandoned me?
Love, why have you betrayed me?


I didn't love
for me to hurt myself
I love
because I can...

despite it all...

"never welcome what you can't entertain. Never open your doors if you mean to close your heart. Never accept love if you can't give yourself in return. Never start a relationship you know you want to end. Two of the shortest words in the English language are "YES" and "NO" and yet they are often the ones that require the most thought before they are said. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left kept to yourself, but love? It speaks despite its silence.."

bakit ganun?

"bakit kaya pagdating sa love, yung kabaliktaran mo ang napupunta sa 'yo? Bakit yung matino, napupunta sa bad? Bakit yung palaging bigo, napupunta sa naglalaro? Bakit yung mabait, napupunta sa pasaway? Alam mo kasi, pag ibinigay sa 'yo ang katulad mo, hindi ka matututo na magbago para sa isang tao.. Hindi mo malalaman ang mali sa 'yo.. At pag walang nabago sa 'yo, hindi mo malalaman kung nagmahal ka nga ng totoo.."

my solitude

Staring out the window
Watching people drift by
Waiting for time to pass...
Enjoying the silence
My solitude

I miss...

I miss…

• Your presence
• Your smile
• Your eyes
• Your kakulitan
• The way you text me before, the never-ending questions
• Your lambing through texts
• The feeling when we see each other after quite some time
• The way you look at me with love and concern
• The times when we text each other until one of us falls asleep
• The times when I need to stay up late or want to stay up late & you wait for me so we'd sleep at the same time (at times you fall asleep unexpectedly because you try your best to wait for me)
• The way you're always saying "sorry" when you do fall asleep
• Your unexpected texts when you just feel like making "pa-cute" or lambing
• The times you get annoyed whenever I call you with your pet name I made & you can't come up with one for me
• The times that I can annoy you but you never get annoyed
• The times that you're annoying me :)
• The feeling whenever I switch on my mobile & the first message I receive is from you
• The feeling whenever before I go to sleep, your name would be the last thing I see before I switch off my mobile
• Our usual conversation; the kulitan and the serious
• The moments when you always pop out of nowhere whenever I'm in a certain place
• Your nagging whenever I don't want to tell you something
• The time when you really went to where we were even if you were on the other side of the mall
• The way you always ask what I'm doing or if I ate already
• Your concern and annoyance whenever I don't eat
• Our messages that are nonsensical but we still continue doing so
• The times that you ask me what I'm wearing whenever we go out & you get annoyed if I wore something out of the ordinary & won't get to see me
• Your text messages whenever you're trying to make me jealous but I don't (btw, I do. I just didn't want you to know. :p)
• The times that whenever I tell you that I'm texting with my former, esp. captain, there's a hint of jealousy in your messages
• The small sweet things that you do for me
• The times that whenever you travel, you always remember me
• The way you tell me stories of things that happened to you, whether it be good or bad
• The very first time you went over to my place & surprised me that you already got back from Taiwan & brought back something for me
• Our messages when you were in Taiwan
• Your effort in keeping in touch with me while you were in Taiwan
• Our petty quarrels and tampuhan but eventually we'd work it out
• The way you stare at me longingly
• The way you hug me as if it's possible to hug me forever, you won't let me go
• The very first time you called me with the petname you made for me
• The times whenever we call each other each other with our petnames/whenever we start our conversation with our petnames
• The barkada's gimik & we'd be together
• The movies we watched with the crew
• Our alone moments
• The hugs you give me from behind
• Your nearness
• Your calls
• You coming over to my place
• The times you don't want to go/ don't want me to go whenever we're together
• Our silence over the phone
• Your kisses
• My guybes
• My yubyub

I miss you.

Mushmush 112206

i want...

"i want to be someone's last call of the night and his first thought in the morning. i want those five-hour conversations that end in: "no, you hang up first.."
i want the heart-racing, palm-sweating, what's-gonna-happen-next? moments.
i want the hugs that he never wants to let go of and the stolen kisses that are always the sweetest.
but most importantly, i want someone i can think of as mine and mine alone..."